Condolence Book Questions & Answers

Customers often call us to make a condolence book purchase, during the process they sometimes ask us what is the best thing to write in a condolence message. Therefore we have collated many of those questions and applied answers for personal reference, however the most important thing is to offer your heartfelt condolences and support in a sincere and compassionate manner.

Q: What should I write in a condolence book?
A: You can write a heartfelt message offering condolences and expressing your sympathy to the family of the deceased.

Q: How can I start my message in a condolence book?
A: Begin by addressing the family or individuals directly, for example, "To the Smith family" or "Dear John and Jane."

Q: Should I mention the deceased person's name in my message?
A: Yes, it is appropriate to mention the deceased person's name in your message to personalise it.

Q: What if I didn't know the deceased person well?
A: Even if you didn't know the person well, you can still express your condolences and share a kind message with the family.

Q: Can I mention specific memories or experiences with the deceased person?
A: Yes, sharing a specific memory or experience you had with the deceased person can be a meaningful way to honor their life.

Q: How long should my message be?
A: Your message can be as short or as long as you feel comfortable with. The most important thing is that it comes from the heart.

Q: Should I include religious references in my message?
A: If the family is religious or if you share the same religious beliefs, it is appropriate to include religious references or prayers.

Q: What if I am not religious?
A: If you are not religious, you can still express your sympathy and offer support without using religious language.

Q: Should I mention the cause of death in my message?
A: It is generally best to avoid mentioning the cause of death unless the family has already shared that information publicly.

Q: Can I include a quote or poem in my message?
A: Yes, including a quote or poem that resonates with the family or the deceased person's life can be a thoughtful addition to your message.

Q: Is it appropriate to offer assistance or help to the family?
A: Yes, offering practical assistance or help to the family, such as running errands or providing a meal, can be a kind gesture.

Q: Can I send a condolence message even if I can't attend the funeral?
A: Absolutely, sending a condolence message is a way to show your support and let the family know you are thinking of them, even if you cannot attend the funeral.

Q: Should I sign my full name or just my first name?
A: It is customary to sign your full name, as it helps the family identify who sent the message.

Q: Can I send a condolence message if I am a coworker of the deceased person?
A: Yes, offering condolences as a coworker is appropriate, especially if you had a working relationship with the deceased person.

Q: Should I mention the deceased person's achievements or contributions?
A: Yes, acknowledging the deceased person's accomplishments or contributions can be a meaningful way to honor their memory.

Q: Can I mention my own grief or sadness in my message?
A: While it's important to express your sympathy, it's best to focus on the family's grief rather than your own.

Q: What if I am unsure of what to write?
A: If you're unsure of what to write, expressing your condolences and offering support in a simple and sincere way is always appropriate.

Q: Can I share a personal story about the deceased person?
A: Yes, sharing a personal story that highlights the positive qualities of the deceased person can be a comforting gesture for the family.

Q: Should I avoid using cliches in my message?
A: It's best to avoid cliches in your message and instead focus on expressing your genuine condolences and support.

Q: Can I express my condolences if I didn't know the deceased person but am close to their family?
A: Yes, it is appropriate to express your condolences if you are close to the family, even if you didn't know the deceased person well.

Q: Can I write a separate message for each family member?
A: Yes, you can write separate messages for each family member if you have a personal connection with them.

Q: Should I send the condolence message right after the death or wait for some time?
A: It is best to send the condolence message as soon as you hear about the death to offer immediate support to the grieving family.

Q: Can I mention how the deceased person impacted my life?
A: Yes, expressing how the deceased person positively impacted your life is a meaningful way to honour their memory.

Q: Should I mention my own beliefs about the afterlife in my message?
A: If you share the same beliefs about the afterlife as the family, it can be appropriate to mention them. Otherwise, it's best to focus on offering comfort and support.

Q: Can I share a favourite quote or saying of the deceased person in my message?
A: Yes, sharing a favourite quote or saying of the deceased person can be a way to celebrate their life and provide comfort to the family.

Q: Should I include my contact information in the message?
A: It is not necessary to include your contact information in the message unless you want the family to be able to reach out to you for support.

Q: Can I mention the stages of grief in my message?
A: While it's okay to acknowledge the grieving process, it's best to focus on offering support and understanding rather than listing stages of grief.

Q: Can I offer prayers or blessings in my message?
A: Yes, offering prayers or blessings can provide comfort to the family if it aligns with their beliefs.

Q: Should I mention if I am making a donation or charitable contribution in the deceased person's honour?
A: If you are making a donation or charitable contribution in the deceased person's honour, you can mention it as a way to honour their memory and support a cause they cared about.

Q: Can I include a photo or artwork in my condolence message?
A: While it's not common to include photos or artwork in a condolence book, you can consider giving the family a separate photo or artwork as a personal gift.

Q: Can I express my own emotions, such as anger or sadness, in my message?
A: It's best to focus on empathy and support rather than expressing your own strong emotions, as the primary purpose is to provide comfort to the grieving family.

Q: Can I include a short prayer or meditation in my message?
A: Yes, including a short prayer or meditation that is comforting and appropriate for the family's beliefs can be a meaningful addition to your message.

Q: Can I mention the deceased person's favourite hobbies or interests?
A: Yes, mentioning the deceased person's favourite hobbies or interests can help personalise your message and show that you remember them fondly.

Q: Should I avoid discussing the future or plans in my message?
A: It's best to focus on the present and offer support rather than discussing future plans, as the family may still be processing their loss.

Q: Can I mention how the deceased person will be remembered?
A: Yes, mentioning how the deceased person will be remembered for their positive qualities, accomplishments, or contributions can bring comfort to the family.

Q: Should I mention if I am lighting a candle or performing a ritual in the deceased person's memory?
A: If you are lighting a candle or performing a ritual in the deceased person's memory, you can briefly mention it to let the family know that they are being remembered.

Q: Can I share a relevant poem or reading in my message?
A: Yes, sharing a relevant poem or reading that provides comfort or solace can be a thoughtful addition to your message.

Q: Should I use formal language or be more casual in my message?
A: It's best to use a tone that matches your relationship with the family, but always maintain a respectful and compassionate tone.

Q: Can I express my condolences in a different language?
A: Yes, if the family is multilingual or if you share a language with them, expressing your condolences in a different language can be a meaningful gesture.

Q: Should I mention if I am attending the funeral or memorial service?
A: If you are attending the funeral or memorial service, it is appropriate to mention it as a way to show your support and offer condolences in person.

Q: Can I share a favourite quote or passage from a religious text in my message?
A: Yes, sharing a favourite quote or passage from a religious text that brings comfort can be a kind gesture if it aligns with the family's beliefs.

Q: Should I avoid using humour in my message?
A: Generally, it's best to avoid humour in condolence messages, as they are meant to be respectful and comforting during a time of grief.

Q: Can I include my contact information if the family wants to reach out?
A: If you want to provide your contact information to the family for support or further communication, you can include it in your message.

Q: Should I avoid comparing the loss to my own experiences?
A: It's best to focus on the family's grief rather than comparing it to your own experiences, as each person's grief is unique.

Q: Can I mention how the deceased person influenced or inspired me?
A: Yes, mentioning how the deceased person influenced or inspired you can be a meaningful way to honour their memory and provide comfort to the family.

Q: Should I avoid offering advice or suggestions in my message?
A: It's best to focus on offering support and understanding rather than giving advice or suggestions, as everyone grieves differently.

Q: Can I mention if I am lighting a virtual candle or participating in an online memorial?
A: Yes, if you are participating in virtual memorials or lighting virtual candles in the deceased person's memory, you can mention it as a way to show your support.

Q: Should I avoid using generic or impersonal phrases in my message?
A: Yes, it's best to avoid generic phrases and instead focus on personalising your message to offer genuine condolences and support.

Q: Can I mention if I am making a donation to a charity of the family's choice?
A: Yes, mentioning that you are making a donation to a charity of the family's choice can be a way to honour the deceased person's memory and support causes important to them.